In the bid to win perfection – I have scrutinised every millimetre of my body, my personality, my capacity to succeed in my career, my ability to carry out day to day tasks, my ability to complete or even to start a new venture.
In the effort to become perfect, I have lost myself.
I have crushed my soul, my passion and myself.
I have told myself that I need to be more, to do more, to work harder to exercise harder, eat healthier, live BIGGER.
I am caught up in the realm of indecision each day which leaves me paralysed in procrastination and the anxiety for the future.
What a vicious and unattainable circle of every cornerstone of my being, and one of which I have set up so that I will NEVER win.
One of the symptoms about being an over-achiever is that you become so hyper-aware of perfecting things that everything around you becomes never good enough.
I will NEVER be able to fill the silhouette of ‘me’ that I have created within my mind.
Throughout me entire life, I have never been able to ‘settle’. I have always wanted MORE.
I have the ever-present stride of an Olympic athlete who deeply feels that they can be more than what, who or where they are.
Instead of taking the time to enjoy and be grateful for the things around me – I was too busy planning on ‘the what next’.
I became incredibly exhausted.
In the process of trying to live out the definition of perfect, I was running blindfolded towards something that did not even exist.
As a Perfectionist – one of my biggest fears was to get to the end of this life and not have done the most amazing things I could imagine with my days. What if I got to the end with regrets?
The dilemma was – if I kept on the way I was, I could have achieved all there was to achieve but not remembered or experienced any part of it. I was so numb and oblivious to the beauty of living that my efforts to do, be and excel in everything was killing me softly…….
Had I not, after thirty-two years thrown my arms up in the air to hold up the giant STOP sign at the intersection of my inner achiever – the pain and harsh lack of experience for every sight, smell, sound, taste and feel of my ONE LIFE was looking very flat.
It took two eating disorders, anxiety, depression, three career burn outs and the subsequent physical effects of each of these (hormonal imbalance, polycystic ovary syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome and digestive issues, low immunity, insomnia, skin breakouts, thin and balding hair, weakened teeth, infertility, brain fog, and the exhaustion of being so intensely driven ALL THE TIME) to admit defeat and pull back the tightly held reigns.
And that is exactly why my mission and purpose in the world is to ensure my lessons, my challenges are shared. To help prevent, heal and acknowledge the inward perfection that exists without any need of trying to ‘be something or someone’ other than yourself.
I am Perfectly she. Sound familiar?? Let’s chat – I’m here to help you shine babe.